My wife and I have been homeschooling our two for…what…nine years now, I reckon. I’d like to think that makes us veterans but that implies that we’re somehow experts at this and I’m not sure anyone truly becomes an expert. Oh, sure, you can learn the differences between the American High School Diploma and the iGCSE, or between CAPS and the GDE, but that kind of knowledge is largely academic, isn’t it? And because the rules change so often, the posts keep shifting, legislative decisions are made and then re-made…you can’t truly be an “expert”.
But that’s not the only thing that changes. If it were only about curriculum choices, or whether or not to register with the Dept. of Education, it would be fairly uncomplicated. Instead, there are tiny little things over the course of the day, the month, and the year, that when put together become pretty big things and eventually they eclipse all the concerns you thought you had to start with.
Here’s a practical example: not only do my children have different learning styles, they also have different learning TIMES. Oh, sure, we’d like to keep them together and thereby lessen the time we physically spend doing “school”, but one learns better in the morning and the other in the late afternoon or early evening. Not PREFER to learn at those times, no: they learn BETTER, as individuals, at those times. They take things in. They assimilate. They integrate. Like the Borg, but with slightly less sinister overtones.
Now I can choose from varied and myriad issues to tackle in this article and turn it into a “how-to” manual but I’m talking to guys and so I won’t. Instead, as a guy myself and having seen what goes on during a typical homeschool day – even chucking in my own two cents worth at first and then eventually taking on facilitating some subjects – I am going to offer just one perspective, one point of view, one thought. I don’t say “advice” because, as the saying goes: wise men don’t need advice. Fools won’t take it.
I don’t know the statistics but I’m going to take a stab in the dark here and say that – when thoughts first start to drift towards homeschooling – that it was your wife’s thoughts and not yours. For the most part. I am sure there are exceptions. But generally, it’s our wives or partners who first thought it. And we’re thinking: what are you even thinking about? Have you thought about the cost? IS there even a cost? What about time? Where will you find the time? What about work? WILL you work? What about socialisation, and sport? Have you thought about those? What about exams? What-what-what-how-how-how-and-when?
And that’s where we men went wrong with the whole thing. We thought there was thought going on. There wasn’t. WE think those things. Women, on the other hand, and generally speaking, didn’t really “think” it at all, at first. They felt it. Ask a mother to describe her homeschooling decision. Ask her how she arrived at it. Don’t listen to her words. Watch her body language. Does she put her hand to the side of her head when describing her initial reflections on it?
Or does she place her hand on her heart? Yeah. Well. That’s all you need to know.
When your wife or significant other says to you: I’m thinking of homeschooling the kids, remember that she is FEELING first. It’s not a decision as much as a stirring, a calling. I know you want an explanation, something that validates a need for logic, but you ain’t gonna get one that satisfies.
And once the decision is made at a family level and you all jump into it, then it pays to remember something else as well: that this is hard. Every single day you have to put your best foot forward. You have to be positive. You have to be engaging. You have to provide materials that interest, that spark the imagination. Every single day. You can’t bring your mood to “work.” The kids pick up on that. And there are days – will be days – that you don’t want to. That your wife doesn’t want to. She’s only human. And she still needs to square her shoulders, take a deep breath, put her smile on and walk in with a spring in her step and say: “hey guys, let’s get started!”
What she needs from you is a reminder that her heart was telling her the right thing. She needs to know that she is doing a good job. She needs to see that you are on her side, that you have her back, that she is a great teacher and a great mother. That the job she is doing matters. That you are on board one hundred percent. No less.
The mind thinks, the gut feels, but the heart knows. When she puts her hand over her heart and says: “I feel…” she is actually saying: “I know…”
She will have doubts. You will have doubts. Are we doing the right thing? Is this the best direction? Will everything come out well in the end?
All you need do is put your hand over her heart and say: I know too. I know you’ve got this. WE got this. Together.
– Anonymous Homeschool Dad
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