I have always had this negative perspective about the word discipline, because of the way in which I was disciplined as a child.
So I decided to explore this crucial part of parenting and homeschooling in this article. So here it is–as promised! But let’s just be clear about one thing before we start. My perspective of it might not match yours, and that’s perfectly fine. I am here to explore the word ‘discipline’ with you and the deeper meaning of it, rather than sell my idea of it onto you. We both do what works after all, right?
Now that we have that out of the way, let’s get started.
My idea of discipline was always somewhat warped, considering that I did not have discipline as a child. What I experienced was rather the projection of the grownups’ ideas of what I should have been, would have been, and could have been, and what I could have done, if only. These projections resulted in kind of “ON THE SPOT” physical punishment, which I still do not understand today.
I never had a chance to explain my side, or why I did what I did, before getting a beating there and then, on the spot–with some screaming, shouting and an evident mismanagement of anger and frustration from the grownup.
Now look, I wasn’t exactly Miss Goody Two-shoes when I was a child and I am still not to this day – but that is rather questionable to anyone who experienced that kind of punishment as a child.
As a result of my experience as a child, the word ‘discipline’ came across as a mean swear word most of my life.
Until I became a parent.
It was then that I was given a beautiful and fresh new perspective on the word.
If you have to decipher the word discipline, it ends up the same as disciple (of course with only two letters in difference). So if you look at the word ‘discipline’ and disciple, they are practically spelt the same way. But if you go and delve into the story about Jesus and of how Jesus taught the 12 disciples and the masses about the laws of the Bible, you will realize that Jesus was in fact disciplining (discipling) them. He would always tell stories and instruct them from a specific context. Jesus always first created context, before executing instructions or teaching a lesson.
Never without a context. As a result, Jesus had a massive fellowship, one that lasts to this very day, not to mention the amount of disciples who followed through with the teaching of the laws in the Holy Scriptures. Now I’m not saying everyone isn’t successful in teaching the true meaning of the words and laws in these scriptures – but exploring that debate now will dismiss the point entirely.
When we have to learn or master a new skill or way of living, thinking or being, it requires self-discipline, and that is exactly what these disciples did. They were being disciplined by Jesus, in order to carry forth the message which the Messiah was born to teach to the people of our world. Jesus was a great mentor in those times and those teachings are still very relevant in our times. In my eyes, Jesus was one of the greatest and most enlightened teachers to have ever existed.
So with this new understanding, I suddenly found myself with a fresh new perspective about the word discipline, through the simple story about Jesus and the 12 disciples.
Now, as a retired skydiver, there is one extremely important rule, which MUST be followed at all times when practicing this extreme sport.
That is RULE NO 1: SAFETY FIRST!
Now you might be thinking: “Well, how the heck can you be safe by jumping 14 000 ft out of an aircraft with only a piece of tent material strapped to your back by a couple of strings?!”
But the truth is, there is a lot involved in being a safe skydiver who can get to jump 10 000+ jumps in their lifetime. I myself never got that far, but know quite a few who are still to this day piling on the jumping numbers safely. And how do they do this? Through DISCIPLINE!
In fact, I know someone who has done 40 000 jumps safely. Yup – and they are still alive and well! All because of their ability to maintain self-discipline!
It does however entail a whole bunch of points to remember – to mention only a few, checking your parachute cut-away-handles every time before you jump and ensuring your technical equipment, such as your AAD is switched on (an ADD is an Automatic Activation Device, which allows the parachute to deploy automatically at 1000ft above ground level, should something happen and you are unconscious or unable to open up your parachute manually in midair).
Now obviously this is a discipline that needs to be mastered in skydiving, as you don’t just remember to check your parachute when you first start out. As a matter of fact, the first time when you reach three-and-a-half thousand feet above ground level and your coach tells you to “GET OUT THE PLANE” – and you are sitting there at the end of a planes open door, looking down to spot where it is that you need to land, you are not exactly focused on safety. It is more a question of: where did I keep that clean set of underwear I knew I was going to need at this point?!
So this discipline of practicing rule No 1 is of utmost importance in preparing a person to become a safe skydiver. And it takes time for anyone to master it mentally and practically, before it becomes “natural instinct,” in midair while falling at 120-300km per hour.
The same applies to children and frankly, adults too, who embark on any form of new adventure or discipline. Look at martial arts, for instance. There are certain disciplines that require focus and practice in order for the actual practice of martial arts to be successful. You can apply the same to piano, ballet, violin, only to name a few.
When we are at home, we as a family have some decent home laws in place, as any family does, obviously. Again, I would like to emphasize that those disciplines are in place for the safety of our child. For no other reason!
Perhaps we have some stricter rules or laws than other families or vice versa, however, everyone has them in place and if a child goes against these laws, there are ways in which a person needs to make them understand clearly that the laws were broken and that there are consequences to breaking such laws. Obviously a warning and allowing a child to give an explanation as to why a law was broken is important before any actions are taken. However, children need to understand that laws and boundaries are to be respected. Should the parents be consistent in their boundaries, then a child should be fairly good at keeping the laws. But if you are a parent like I am, where your child knows your sweet spot a little too well and knows exactly where that last nerve is situated, well then, you have quite a job at hand!!
There are 4 different ways of disciplining that come to mind. Should you know more, drop us a comment in this article’s comment box.
So here they are:
- Sound discipline.
- Positive reinforcement
- Natural cause and effect.
- Physical punishment (not necessarily a hiding).
In my own experience as a full time homeschooling parent, I personally feel that each one of these forms of disciplines has its place in a child’s life, if handled with absolute love and care. Although that is a personal choice, and you as a parent know what is best for your child as well as the fact that each child is unique.
Ultimately, as long as respect and love are always being taught in conjunction with whichever way you choose to discipline your child, you can be assured that you will be raising a well-rounded individual, who will be of service to humanity as a whole and give meaning to society when they leave home. One of the biggest faults parents make nowadays is to expect children to ‘follow the rules,’ however, when it comes to self-discipline on the parents’ behalf, it all falls through–leaving the children confused with a poor example of how to be and become. After all, children tend to do as we do and not do as we say.
I personally find that with our family, positive reinforcement, sound discipline and natural cause and effect works the best up to a point. Before, our child starts begging for a hiding………as the old saying goes.
And when a child is begging for one, then what is a parent to do then in such a case…….?
While I am someone who is fairly old school and does believe in the power of a good old fashioned hiding–within context of course, I find myself stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Why? Because I do not actually give hidings! Firstly, because I feel guilty afterward and let’s face it–I am a woman. Which means I have a feminine voice, the body of a nurturer and zero male physical strength, so I must look hideous if I have to grab a sloffy (or whatever else a woman needs in order to hand out hidings in order to make up for lack of masculine energy and physical strength). Not to mention raise my voice really loud and end up sounding like an opera singer with a seriously bad flu.
When that becomes the case, I call a friend:
My husband!
With his strong masculine voice and body and his natural authoritarian approach and ability to create order without adding any emotion to it, things are usually sorted out in a flash.
Often with only a simple assertive look and one or two words spoken.
Then I wonder, how on earth did he do that?!
Here are a few references on the 4 kinds of discipline methods I mentioned in my article-
Happy homeschooling!
https://www.sounddiscipline.or…
https://www.dictionary.com/e/t…
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